


Poster Boy

by stygius



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED!, Achilles is varsity coach, Alternate Universe - College/University, Hypnos is Zagreus' roommate, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Fanart, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Megaera is debate club president, Multi, Olympus gods show up as buddies from a different school, Patroclus is the on-campus doctor, Thanatos is handsome and does debate, Yearning, Zagreus is a bisexual disaster, Zagreus plays ice hockey, past Megaera/Zagreus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stygius/pseuds/stygius
Summary: Thanatos models for a new recruitment poster for the debate club. Zagreus tries not to be absolutely smitten with him and fails, with some perks.
Relationships: Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 289





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [college AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/710668) by coronachts. 



> This fic was inspired by the lovely College AU art by @coronachts on [twitter](https://twitter.com/coronachts/status/1315562441091084288/photo/4). 
> 
> Zagreus, Thanatos, Megaera and Hypnos are students at Styx University; Than and Meg are Law students and in the debate club, Zagreus is a jock and Hypnos is only awake when it's inconvenient for other people. The second and last chapter will include references to past Megaera/Zagreus and I'll probably write them getting back together eventually, because I love the canon polycule. 
> 
> Also, Hypnos' t-shirt is this [fanart](https://twitter.com/schnetzle_/status/1318047408673247232) by @schnetzle_. 
> 
> Enjoy!

  
  


The young Zagreus, promising student athlete at Styx University, had never had a good grasp of when to be cautious, for caution as a concept was a hand-me-down that had never fit him right. His heart was too big for it. Whenever he had tried to trim his feelings down to a manageable size, such attempts at caution, which were in fact just fear, burst open at the seams. He could try to lessen his want, for what fearful reasons his head devised, but he could never succeed, for he was made of want. There was a lesson to be learned there and at his age he should have learned it, or perhaps it was due to his age that he had not. We might call what transpires in this story a teachable moment.

This is a story about his foolish heart, and it was years in the making. But, for the sake of the telling, let us begin it by speaking of the poster.

It was a new poster on the wall of the school cafeteria, and it grabbed Zagreus' attention at once as he walked in, though a good few seconds passed before he registered that it bore any text at all. His focus was solely on the picture it centered. It featured his close friend and fellow student Thanatos, also of Styx University, standing with his arms crossed and a severe stare aimed at the camera. He wore a black turtleneck, a type of garment that on anyone else may have looked unremarkable, but on Thanatos it flattered the strong and dignified lines of his body, unfairly well-defined for someone who spent so much of his time holed up in the library. His nails were painted black to match, a darker detail against the brown of his skin. That color palette was disrupted only by his silver hair, which framed and sharpened his face, and his amber eyes.

So, a striking image to snare the notice of passers-by, even had they been less susceptible to the charms of this particular model than Zagreus was. As his higher thought processes struggled to reform under the weight of Thanatos' printed stare, he belatedly realized that there were two other people in the photograph flanking Thanatos in similar poses, and there was a message underneath: JOIN THE DEBATE CLUB.

He did not think twice before taking out his phone, snapping a picture and beginning to type.

> > holy shit???  
> > than is this u???  
> You sent an image.  
> > um hello???  
> > also uh hypothetical question but will they give that poster away eventually???  
> > asking for a friend

His adulations were marked as READ almost immediately, at which point it sunk in that he had sent them. His lack of forethought gave way to the unpleasant wisdom of hindsight. The texts had been a terrible idea, and an unfortunate breach of his oh-so-cautious resolution to keep his one-sided crush from influencing his behavior around Thanatos. Bad enough that when they spent time together he often found himself looking, _respectfully_. Even if Thanatos was kind enough not to mention it, Zagreus knew he must notice. So there was no chance at all that these texts would be taken as nothing more than friendly appreciation.

Would there be any point in trying to walk back his praise? Under normal circumstances, he was happy to lavish compliments on his friends, but circumstances were not quite normal between him and Thanatos. Still, he reasoned, there was no way he could text _I think you look attractive in that poster, but only as attractive as you're comfortable with me finding you_. He stood staring at his phone, thinking himself in circles as he waited for a reply.

Then the device buzzed once in his hand, and he nearly dropped it.

> You have 1 new message from Furiosa.  
> > Save the flirting for later. Some of us have studying to do, and you're distracting Than.

"Great," muttered the mortified Zagreus. He considered attempting to correct her assumption and almost immediately eschewed the idea; if he had zero hope of fooling Thanatos, he had negative hope when it came to Megaera. She had always seen through him, for better or worse.

Dull pain flared along his jaw and he found that he needed to sit down. Verticality had proved to be a challenge for the past hour, since his encounter with the star of the school's boxing team, Asterius, and the subsequent encounter of Asterius' fists with his face. Previous experience with the bull-headed boxer's peculiar social overtures told the pained Zagreus that the sting of the blows would accompany him for some time yet. Though he disliked being still, he slumped in a nearby chair and tilted his head back, gingerly touching the thankfully unfractured arch of his nose.

As he contemplated the decidedly unfavorable course of his day, he heard beside him a familiar voice speaking in an even more familiar tone of tactless cheer.

"Oh wow, you got messed up! That's going to leave an ugly bruise!"

The recently-punched Zagreus confirmed with a glance that it was in fact his roommate, summoned to the waking world of the cafeteria by the need for sustenance, or else he had in his slumber sensed that Zagreus was having a bad day and followed the ethereal thread of his misfortune like a shark scenting blood. His silver curls stuck up every which way, held back only marginally by his ever-present sleep mask, and his oversized T-shirt read I GOT SLEEPY BITCH DISEASE. Loudly slurping his soda through a straw, he sidestepped to peer at the young Zagreus' rapidly-bruising cheekbone with unguarded fascination.

"Hi, Hypnos." Zagreus sat upright in his chair with a wince and produced a slip of paper from inside his bag, which he held out. "Went and got Asterius' autograph for you, mate. Don't mind that drop of blood in the corner."

Hypnos' face lit up; he was as expressive as his brother Thanatos could be hard to read. " _Whoaaa_. Thanks, Zag! You're the best! It's so cool that you're friends with him!"

This was an overstatement of such epic proportions that Zagreus had to pause to admire it, but he could not bring himself to correct it. "You know, Hypnos, we're getting there. He respects me. At least, he said something like that when we finished beating the crap out of each other. I think."

" _Whoooa_."

Zagreus observed the delight on his roommate's face and was satisfied with the blood price he had paid to make it happen. As a hockey player, he suffered injuries with some frequency, regardless, and he figured if he was going to be in pain, it might as well be in the name of bringing someone joy, and that someone might as well be Hypnos. He had been an ideal roommate for the past year; his propensity to sleep on any horizontal surface presented to him was a perfect symbiotic match for Zagreus' unjustifiable love of collecting plush furnishings he never planned to rest on.

Besides, favors such as obtaining an autograph in a duel of fists were straightforward, and served to take his mind off of problems that were less so. And speaking of—

"Hey, did you see Than's poster? He looks badass, right?"

"Uh, yeah, saw it on my way in. It's a cool poster." Silently the young Zagreus prayed Hypnos had not been around to see him nearly choke on his drink upon first encountering the picture, but he did not have high hopes on that front. Over the past months he had come to suspect that Hypnos was much more perceptive than anyone gave him credit for.

Therefore he mistrusted Hypnos' innocent tone when he said, "Hey, you know what? I could try asking him if they have an extra. He leaves me on read all the time, but he wouldn't if I say it's for you. You could hang it up on the wall."

"You mean hang it up on the wall of the room that I share with you, his brother? Isn't that going to be weird?"

"Well, you already have that pin-up poster of that player from Olympus, what's-his-name, that guy with the purple hair, and the one of your coach from his professional days. So I don't think it'd be weird, for you. Breaks the theme of buff hockey players, but that's it."

"Fair point," conceded the self-conscious Zagreus. He tried to sound casual as he added, "Well, you don't need to ask him or anything, I… sort of did that just now. He hasn't replied yet, though."

"Oh, he's probably busy with something. Studying?" Hypnos spoke that word like a guess, as if he could not fathom what a student who did not sleep his days away might do to occupy his time. "I'm sure he'll be happy you asked. You can take it with you to Olympus when you transfer!"

Olympus University. The distant alma mater of the best hockey team in the national league, who had reached out to offer the young Zagreus a sports scholarship earlier in the season. At that time, the mere mention of the name had filled Zagreus with excitement, but lately only an awkward shadow of that eagerness remained. This unexplainable shift in himself was another issue he had relegated to the back of his mind, a tangled ball of yarn he planned to untwist only when he had no other choice.

"Right. Guess we'll see what Than says," said the conflicted Zagreus, as nonchalantly as he could manage.

Once again Hypnos got an insightful air about him, but Zagreus was saved from any potential questions by a buzz of his phone, which he immediately unlocked to check if he had a reply from Thanatos. Alas, none was to be found; instead he was greeted by a reminder notification from his calendar application, exhorting him to move his backside lest he be late for hockey practice.

* * *

The strong and wise Achilles, retired sports legend turned varsity coach for Styx University, beheld the bruised countenance of young Zagreus upon his arrival at center ice and bid him sit on the bleachers to rest. Mournfully, much in spite of his abhorrence of inactivity, Zagreus obeyed.

Holding an ice pack to his face, he whiled away the time in observation of the endless drills performed by his teammates at Achilles' strict but engaging direction. He wished he were skating alongside them, so that the physical strain of pushing his body to its limits would leave his head blissfully empty, as it always did. Since he could not rely on exercise to silence his thoughts, he tried to cherry-pick them, but despite his efforts his mind drifted, and he found himself compulsively checking his phone every few minutes.

The only new messages were in the Olympus group chat that his cousin Athena had invited him to. Dionysus, beautiful madman that he was, seemed to be trying to convince the others to attend some party he was organizing, which was a common enough occurrence any given day of the week. This time, he claimed it was a rehearsal for the _real party_ they would have when Zagreus joined them next semester. It was strange how everybody phrased that as a _when_ rather than an _if_ , even though Zagreus had not yet formally accepted Olympus' offer.

He scrolled through the conversation, smiling in spite of himself as he saw it take the familiar course: Dionysus would team up with Aphrodite, who would in turn convince Ares and discombobulate Artemis, and Athena would join of her own accord to make sure it did not get too out of hand. Hermes was probably already halfway to the store to get the necessary beverages. Zagreus texted _send pics later_ and swiped out of the chat to find the one with Thanatos.

No new messages.

It was not unusual for Thanatos to leave him on read while busy with schoolwork, and Megaera had confirmed that he was busy, yet this time felt different. They had been walking a tightrope for the past few weeks, ever since Zagreus had impulsively confessed his affections. He vividly remembered how Thanatos had frozen like a deer in highlights, then cited an excuse to extricate himself from having to answer. Which, the way Zagreus figured it, was an answer in and of itself. It sucked, but he could deal with it.

Except that his plan for dealing with it had not included letting a poster reduce him to a fawning mess, to the point where he looked like he couldn't take a hint that his attention was unwanted in that way. Still, he would find a way to fix his blunder before it irreparably damaged their treasured friendship.

"This is all sounding very dire, phrased like that," muttered the young Zagreus, seemingly upset at this humble narrator's description of his predicament.

In any event, Thanatos occupied his mind until practice drew to an end and the team dispersed to the locker rooms. As Zagreus himself gathered his bag, the great Achilles turned to look up at the bleachers and called, "Zagreus, a word in my office, lad, if you don't mind."

So it was that he found himself in the company of coach Achilles, a man of innumerable graces, among them his great care for his team members' physical and psychological well-being. This he presently displayed by examining the bruise blooming high on Zagreus' right cheekbone and his pupil dilation in response to light stimuli. Then he cleaned the reddened skin of Zagreus' knuckles with a gauze and wrapped them in simple bandages.

"Everything seems in order, although there is always a chance of concussion," concluded the coach, putting away the penlight and first aid kit.

Having heard the cause of Zagreus' injuries, he had issued a stern reminder to stay out of trouble but had not pressed the matter. It may have been Zagreus' wistful thinking, but he thought he glimpsed a hint of pride in Achilles' eyes at hearing that Asterius had been similarly battered by the end of their fight.

"In any case, you would do well to have Patroclus take a look at you tomorrow. He will be able to examine you better than I. For now, lad, be sure to take it easy for the rest of the day. Avoid caffeine and exercise. Have someone check your pupils and such before you sleep, if at all possible."

Zagreus spared a thought for his roommate, who would doubtless be asleep when he got back and thus of little assistance. Still he nodded, with the egotistical confidence of one whose body has never betrayed him for long. "I don't sleep all that much, so I'm sure it will be fine, sir." Achilles looked displeased by this answer, and at once Zagreus found himself amending it. "But I'll make sure to rest tonight."

The coach's expression shifted to one of approval, to Zagreus' relief. He hated to feel that he had disappointed Achilles, even briefly. It was coming up on a year of training under him, and it was still surreal to think that his coach was the legendary winger that had been his sports crush growing up. The thought of failing to live up to his expectations in any way was not one he liked to entertain.

"Very well." Achilles smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, a gesture that tended to indicate a dismissal, but as Zagreus picked his bag off the floor to leave, the coach stopped him. "One more thing, lad. The deadline for submitting your transfer papers is coming up, but you have not done so yet, correct?"

"Not yet, no," admitted Zagreus, not quite able to meet his eyes.

"You should do it soon, if you wish to accept Olympus' offer." His tone was kind, not at all judgmental like Zagreus had feared. Wise and insightful as he was, perhaps he glimpsed the turmoil that brewed inside Zagreus, for he added gently, "You _do_ wish to transfer, do you not? I don't want to pressure you either way, lad, but it's unlike you to be indecisive."

Here was the heart of the matter.

"I do… I think. I don't know, sir." The conflicted Zagreus let out a sigh. "I didn't think my father would ever allow it. He was so against it when the offer came. Now that he's given his blessing, I don't know how I should feel about it."

Achilles took a moment to pick his words, and picked the right ones. "It's not so much a matter of how you _should_ feel, as it is of how you _do_. Consider what you yourself want, then choose accordingly. No matter the conclusion you come to, everyone on the team will support you, and be proud of you, myself most of all. Even if Olympus' coach is, ah, something of a jerk."

That last sentence shocked a laugh out of Zagreus, who had been tearing up in front of his idol. "Yeah. Screw Apollo. Respectfully, sir. He was never half as good as you." He cleared his throat, which felt tight with emotion. "Thank you, sir. I'll think about what you said."

For once, the pressure of puzzling over his options did not fill him with dread. Some of that weight had been lifted. He smiled, flush with relief.

"You still have time, of course. But try not to get so caught up in thinking you become afraid to act," was the coach's sage advice.

"Fear is for the weak."

"That it is, lad." Achilles smiled back and clapped him briefly on the shoulder again; this time, a goodbye. "Now go enjoy the rest of your Friday. Responsibly, remember."

Zagreus excused himself. As he left center ice, his phone buzzed several times in his pocket, which he fully expected to signal an update on Dionysus' party plans. But when he stepped out into the brisk evening air and unlocked his screen, he saw Thanatos' name. He tried and failed to calm his nerves, and he tapped the notification to open the messages, which read:

> > Your friend is welcome to join the debate team. If we can get enough new students, the recruitment posters would no longer be necessary, so I suppose they could be given away.  
> > Unless by "asking for a friend" you actually meant yourself.  
> > ...Did you?

"Well, shit," did Zagreus eloquently proclaim.

> > sorry than  
> > its me  
> > the friend is me

The replies were immediately marked as READ. He stood staring at the screen for a few excruciating moments, battered by the cold wind, waiting for a response that did not come. And then, suddenly, he could not stand to wait any longer, and he made a decision. Almost as if a lesson had been learned—but not quite yet, I should think.

"Fear is for the weak," he said to himself, and acted on the idea brewing in his mind before he could think better of it.

* * *

That idea led him to Thanatos' doorstep an hour later, holding a gift that was fancier than what an average college student would procure for a friend, bought on impulse like all the other gifts he had given Thanatos over the years. Such gifts were a common enough occurrence that their recipient would not read too much into it, or so Zagreus told himself. He knocked, and had a moment to wonder what impression he _had_ hoped to convey, showing up at his crush's door with a bottle of expensive booze after 9PM on a Friday, but by then it was too late to reconsider.

The door opened and an attractively frazzled Thanatos peered out.

"Zagreus, it's late. What are you doing here?"

In response, Zagreus proffered the bottle, which he had whimsically adorned with a purple ribbon, and accompanied it with what he hoped was his most winning smile. "I brought you something, to wish you luck on the debate tomorrow. Is it alright if I come in?"

"Ambrosia? You know alcohol isn't permitted on campus," said Thanatos, who was a Law student. "You could get us both in a world of trouble."

Undeterred as ever by the threat of looming authority, especially in regards to a rule he had never seen enforced, the young Zagreus nevertheless did not press the issue. He switched to a different and ignoble tactic. "In my defense, I may have a concussion to blame for any lapse in judgment, so you're free to say it was my idea if we somehow get caught. Besides, I need to ask someone to monitor me for a little while, and you know Hypnos is asleep half the time."

As he talked, he saw the exact moment the focus of Thanatos' concern shifted. Zagreus felt only a smidge of guilt as his kind-hearted friend waved him inside, then closed the door behind them.

"Here, hand me the bottle. You're not supposed to drink spirits if you're concussed. Sit down."

Zagreus let himself be fussily guided to the reading chair by the window. He looked around the familiar and tastefully-decorated room, a far cry from the unbridled chaos of his own. From somewhere behind the intimidating but perfect pile of notes on the desk, Thanatos produced a glass of water, which he pushed into his guest's hand. "Gods, that looks painful, Zag. What happened?"

The young Zagreus' guilt went up a notch seeing the worry plain on Thanatos' face, and he wished he had a mirror to check how bad his bruises looked. He took a sip of water from the glass Thanatos had given him, which had been Thanatos' glass that Thanatos had presumably been drinking from before Zagreus arrived, which was a silly thought to have, but he had it anyway. He distracted himself by providing an abridged retelling of his latest encounter with Asterius. By the end of it, Thanatos was frowning.

"What kind of madman challenges someone to a fist fight over an autograph? And what were you thinking, going along with it? He's a nationally ranked boxer! You could have been injured much worse than this, Zag!"

Zagreus tried not to squirm. "Well, I wasn't. Does it matter now? It made Hypnos happy to get the autograph, isn't that what counts?"

Judging from Thanatos' thunderous expression, the answer to that was a resounding _no_. "Oh, don't get me started on my brother. We're going to have words about this, he and I."

"Eh, don't be too harsh with him, Than. The bruises sting a little now, but I'll heal in no time. I always do."

Thanatos did not look entirely placated by this, but he seemed to at least consider Zagreus' point. As much as injury was a happenstance that seemed to visit Zagreus regularly, they had both known him to recover from worse with a celerity that baffled Doctor Patroclus every time. For a moment longer Thanatos regarded him, then sighed and conceded.

"Fine. I'm still going to speak to Hypnos. And please stop accepting that brute's challenges, Zagreus, would you?"

It was not as if he enjoyed being pummeled by Asterius, though he could see how it may appear otherwise, as they had already gone head-to-head three times since the start of the school year. "Yeah, I'll stop. You don't need to worry about me."

"I beg to differ." Thanatos looked as though he might say something more, but thought better of it. "Drink some water. I'll go get myself another glass, if you'll excuse me a second."

With that, he retreated to the small kitchenette and busied himself there. Zagreus drank more water. He did not think it would help a possible concussion, but perhaps it made Thanatos feel like a good host, so he drank.

The reading chair he occupied gave him a good angle to see the kitchenette area, so he could look at Thanatos without being too obvious about it. His first impression upon arriving seemed right; Thanatos looked tired, and knowing him, that likely meant he had been studying without a break for most of the day. That fatigue may not have been apparent to any casual observer, for there was no trace of it in his posture or the way he moved, but there were small details that gave it away. His silver hair, which was usually parted impeccably, had some strands out of place, as though he might have run his hands through it when occupied with a particularly complicated case study. His lips were pursed, the shadows under his eyes looked deeper, and there was a tension about him.

Zagreus realized he was being unsubtle when Thanatos looked up and met his eyes. He raised a perfect eyebrow, more questioning than anything else, and Zagreus felt his face grow hot at being caught staring. He ducked his head, sheepish, and fished out his phone to distract himself.

While he went through his notifications and pictures from the Olympus chat, he heard a glass of water be poured, and the Ambrosia be put away, and a kettle be turned on. With every little sound it was easy to imagine Thanatos' hands deftly moving from one task to another. He felt himself smile as he waited.

Before long, his host returned with a glass of cold water for himself and a mug of steaming liquid. This latter one he held out to Zagreus, who opened his mouth to ask a question, but Thanatos answered preemptively. "Don't worry. It's chamomile tea. No caffeine."

"Right. Thank you." Zagreus put his water down on the floor by the chair—it seemed pointless to return it, now that Thanatos had procured another glass for himself—and gratefully accepted the warm mug, moved that his friend had remembered the no-caffeine rule from last time. It did not occur to him to be concerned about the recurrence of his injuries which fostered that remembering. He took a sip, feeling warmth spread through him. "This is good, Than. You're the best."

There was but an instant to glimpse Thanatos' smile before he turned away, moving to sit at his desk. "You're welcome, Zag. Don't let it get cold." His hair fell like a curtain across his profile as he slid on his computer glasses and looked down at his laptop screen. "I need to finish this paper, but let me know if you begin to feel drowsy, and I'll examine you before you sleep."

Mentally discounting the notion of rest, at least for the time being, the sleep-averse athlete glanced at his phone again and saw that the hour was nearing 10pm. Certainly an offer to vacate Thanatos' space was overdue, in order to ensure he was not imposing beyond the allowances of their friendship. There was also the matter of Zagreus' self-preservation instinct, which was in truth his fear and was warning that if he stayed and let Thanatos take care of him and be gentle and kind, he was likely to start spouting declarations of undying love, and he was not sure his heart could take being rejected twice in the span of two weeks.

"Than, I know you're busy. I can go, if you want me to. Achilles wasn't even sure it's a concussion this time, so it's not that serious." As if to prove the point, he stood up, only slightly stumbling as his balance threatened to desert him at the sudden upright motion. Then the dizziness passed and he added, "You don't need to feel obligated."

"Did I say that? Sit back down, Zagreus." Thanatos had turned to face him and was frowning. His tone brooked no argument. "You're not imposing. If anything, I wish you'd stop incurring these injuries, but that point is moot now. Drink your tea, and give me another thirty minutes. I'll be with you as soon as I've drafted my conclusion."

The foolish Zagreus, whose approach to self-treatment would have been to go about his life as normal and hope for the best, accepted this familiar show of affection disguised as a reproach, because he craved those little breadcrumbs that tasted so similar to what he had convinced himself he should not want. He obediently sipped his tea and settled down to wait as Thanatos returned his attention to his schoolwork.

As with everything he did, he focused on it to the exclusion of all else. This was something about him that had always fascinated Zagreus, for whom sitting still was the greatest of challenges. He watched Thanatos type in his customary efficient manner, using all of his fingers without needing to look where they fell, instead glancing at the notes and books open on the desk around him. These must have been laid out in an intentional pattern, for there seemed to be a practiced order in which Thanatos checked them. He was good at creating systems that worked for him and sticking to them.

As for Zagreus, he could not seem to follow his own simple rule. Then again, it was not so simple to pretend his feelings were anything other than they were. Only after a fashion did he manage to tear his eyes away.

He did not think Thanatos was paying him any mind, but he tried to be discreet about it when he took out his phone and used the front camera to check the cuts and bruises on his face. He was relieved to see that he did not look nearly as banged up as he had the last time he'd fought Asterius, which meant he was getting better at dodging. There was the dark imprint left by bigger-than-average knuckles on his cheekbone and the side of his jaw, and a few small cuts on his brow. Thanatos had seen him in much worse shape, and even if he hadn't, Zagreus knew he was not about to win him over with his handsome visage, but he still felt glad that he hadn't shown up looking like death warmed over.

While Thanatos worked, an indeterminate stretch of time passed, tortuously for the restless Zagreus, who sought other distractions to pass the time. In his endless period of inactivity, he checked his phone dozens of times, rewatched some of his favorite play-by-play clips of Olympus matches on mute, crossed and uncrossed his legs to keep from tapping his foot, catalogued every familiar detail of the room and counted the tiny purple butterflies that adorned the mug in his hands. Every ten butterflies he allowed himself a brief glance at his studious friend, as a treat.

A few dozen glances later, lulled by the steady patter of the keyboard and the residual warmth of the now-empty mug, Zagreus felt his eyelids begin to grow heavy, a bizarre sensation. He was startled out of it by the sudden pause in Thanatos' typing and, realizing he had been slouching, straightened his posture, rebelling against the shadow of sleep.

"Were you dozing off?" asked the older student, insightfully.

"Nah." This poor deception elicited a pointed look of disbelief, though no verbal reply, as if providing him a second chance to answer truthfully. "Well. Maybe a little. Hearing you work, it's… soothing, in a way."

"You ought to come over more frequently, then. I'm usually working."

Zagreus smiled contentedly at the invitation, and his drowsy brain unplugged from the real world and contemplated instead a fantasy life in which he spent every evening with Thanatos while he worked on assignments that made absolutely no sense to Zagreus and afterward, because it was his dream and he could do what he wanted, they would cuddle and Thanatos would tell him about his day and his classes and a lot of it still wouldn't make sense but Thanatos' voice would be low and fond and Zagreus would be happy to listen.

He was yanked back to reality as Thanatos stood and approached him, which he registered belatedly and with a feeling that bounced between confused excitement and panic as his crush leaned over him, chasing away every coherent thought the enamoured Zagreus had ever possessed, except this one: _he smells nice_.

"Let me look at your eyes," Thanatos demanded, which cleared up the question of his proximity but did nothing to calm the infatuated Zagreus' suddenly pounding heart. If this reaction was noticed, it went unremarked. From the pocket of his trousers, Thanatos withdrew a set of keys with a small penlight keychain, which he turned on. "Tilt your head up a little."

Zagreus obeyed and, in a vain attempt to hold onto his wits, asked, "You carry a penlight on you?"

"Why not? It comes in useful. Look here." Ever so gingerly, he angled up Zagreus' chin with his fingers. Blissfully, as the light blinded each of his eyes in turn, the young Zagreus resolved to send Asterius a thank-you card.

The examination ended to Thanatos' satisfaction, if not to Zagreus', who had to fake a cough into his fist to belatedly mask the way he had leaned forward to follow Thanatos' retreating hand. It was not, all in all, his most convincing performance. He glanced at Thanatos to gauge his reaction and was surprised to see him hesitate. A minute twitch of his hand, as if he had almost reached out to touch Zagreus again. A sharp focus in his eyes that was anything but disinterested, there one second and gone the next, so fast that Zagreus doubted if it had been there in truth.

Thanatos licked his lips and averted his eyes. "Everything seems fine," he said, his voice betraying nothing. "You ought to lie down in bed, before you fall asleep in that chair."

Zagreus stood up to obey, his mind whirling in a maelstrom of what-ifs. He walked to the door.

"Where are you going, Zag?"

"To bed."

Thanatos looked at him as if he were daft. Then he said, "I meant, lie down on _my_ bed, Zagreus. You should not be unsupervised tonight."

For once, the young Zagreus did not care that he was staring. The gulf between reality and his daydream seemed to be closing, though he logically knew it wasn't. His beleaguered brain struggled to reconcile what the words sounded like with what he knew they meant, and the sole response it managed to produce was a strangled giggle. "That's… okay. Okay. That's fine. Your bed, sure."

"Stop laughing. This isn't funny." Yet the embarrassment that had cracked Thanatos' unaffected veneer was so endearing to Zagreus that he grinned. "You need someone around who, unlike my brother, is capable of staying conscious for longer than a few minutes at a time, in case you actually are concussed—which seems like a very real possibility, judging from your attitude right now."

"Okay. I understand. Sorry." He attempted to suppress his smile as he said, "Though I might want to stop by my room to change clothes and brush my teeth before that, if that's okay."

Thanatos seemed to shut down. Zagreus watched with no small measure of amusement as he visibly re-examined his own adamant attitude in the context of Zagreus' very logical request, and became flustered. "Oh," he said at length. He cleared his throat. "Well. That's reasonable, yes. I didn't think of that. Of course."

"I'll be right back," Zagreus told him, and granted him the mercy of leaving the room before he had to reply.

In the hallway, he shook his head and tried to stifle the unexplainable giddiness rising in him. He took a deep breath and set off towards his own room at a measured pace that quickly turned into a run. One could see a metaphor there, if one were so inclined. When he arrived, by some treacherous and improbable twist of fate, Hypnos was awake.

"What's the rush?" he asked as Zagreus yanked open a drawer and pulled out an old T-shirt and pants and ran into the bathroom.

Zagreus did not know how to answer that, so he bought himself time by brushing his teeth. When he finished, he called back, "Uh. Sleepover." He changed clothes at record speed, almost tripping on the pants leg and braining himself on the tile. He balled up what he had been wearing before and dumped it on his unmade bed on the way out, feeling Hypnos' eyes on him the whole way.

He heard a sing-song, "Have fun and be safe!" behind him as he closed the door.

He jogged back to Thanatos' room, feeling his face burn, and tried to dismiss Hypnos' parting shot from his mind. He knocked when he arrived and heard Thanatos call, "It's open." Zagreus pushed and let himself in.

"That was fast," said Thanatos, glancing up from his screen.

"It's not that long of a walk." Emboldened by the adrenaline of the run, he added, "Did you miss me?"

Thanatos scoffed. "No. I'm working." He typed whatever it was with unnecessary force, loudly, as if making a point. Put in mind of a hedgehog with its spines pointed outward, Zagreus couldn't stifle a laugh, and he received an aggravated glare for it. "Will you be standing there for the rest of the evening, staring at me?"

"Sorry. I'll let you work. I'll, uh, go get in your bed now." It was an out-of-body experience to hear the words leave his lips, and he turned with purpose to do just that before his brain short-circuited entirely.

"Right. Sleep well."

"Right. You, uh. Work well." He winced as soon as he said it, feeling like an idiot. Thanatos did not reply.

Zagreus told himself this was the same as getting into his own bed, but it was not, even beyond the emotional implications. There was not a single wrinkle on Thanatos' covers, and the sheets were so neatly tucked at the corners that Zagreus was surprised to find that he had to exert any amount of force to pull them open. Nevertheless he did. With measured movements he laid down in the center of the mattress and stared up at the ceiling for an untold length of time. Thanatos' familiar smell enveloped him.

Thanatos' typing resumed its normal volume. It occurred to Zagreus that his host would eventually have to sleep somewhere, and this was the only bed in the room. It then further occurred to him that if they were to share a bed, he would spend the night as wide awake as his cousin Athena's pet owl, rigidly staring into the middle distance. Unable to emotionally handle the notion of presenting to Thanatos that particular issue, he shifted to curl up on his side, with his back against the wall to take up as little space as possible.

He closed his eyes and attempted to reason with himself. Bizarrely for anyone else, though not so for the young Zagreus, he did this by asking himself what Achilles would do in his place.

Achilles was wise, and Achilles would not be afraid. Or, at the very least, he would recognize what he was afraid of. Zagreus made an effort to confront the cause of his nerves. Even if Thanatos did sleep beside him, so what? They had shared a bed many times growing up, sometimes with Hypnos as well, when they were children and the brothers had a better relationship. And no matter how attracted to Thanatos the young Zagreus felt, he would never do anything to make the other uncomfortable if they ended up sharing the limited space on the bed.

With that thought, the shape of his fear became clear, and it was this: would Thanatos feel self-conscious around Zagreus, now that he was aware of his affections? Would their relationship be an awkward dance around each other, with Thanatos' implied rejection in between them?

He allowed himself to fully feel that fear, breathing in and out, and then found that he could let it go. Thanatos was not that kind of person. Whether he reciprocated Zagreus' feelings or not, he would never hold them against him. He was generally inept at accepting any show of affection, but he was not resentful of it. Once Zagreus was free of that fear, he was free to consider his options to move past it. Achilles had said, _consider what you yourself want, and choose accordingly_.

He considered it.

What he wanted was to bare his heart to Thanatos again, since he could not seem to keep it in check anyway, and this time force him to give a clear answer. He was growing tired of reading into every look and gesture, always hoping against hope. He was afraid of asking, but more afraid of never knowing for sure. He had begun to realize that his plan of putting distance between them was not for the sake of their friendship; it had not dulled his feelings, only made him miss the closeness they had always shared. Even if his crush was one-sided, he could not be Thanatos' friend at arm's length.

Accordingly, he chose.

"Hey, Than?"

A pause in the tapping of the keys. "Yes?"

"Thanks for always looking out for me." He burrowed further under the blankets, covered up to his chin. If his mind had not been otherwise preoccupied, he might have marveled that a bed could be this comfortable, even if he could not fathom wanting to sleep. "It makes me happy, knowing that you care. Even if you don't feel the same way I do… I'm lucky to have you in my life. Sorry if I stare sometimes, I'm trying to be better about that."

His words seemed to hang in the air, and for the first time Zagreus felt at peace with that uncertain silence. Whatever Thanatos' reaction may be, he did not regret what he had said.

It took him a moment to realize the typing had stopped. He heard a heavy sigh, and the soft clink of glasses being placed on the desk. Curiosity prompted him to open his eyes and he saw that Thanatos had turned around in his chair and was looking at him. His expression was unreadable, but his focus was undivided. Zagreus felt like he was being pinned to a board, like a butterfly to be examined.

"Than?"

"Is that what you think, Zagreus? That I don't feel anything for you?"

Thanatos' voice was measured, and it was this that rang the alarm bells in Zagreus' mind, for their years of friendship had taught him that this perfect restraint pointed to a storm brewing under the surface. It struck him that, in his readiness to take Thanatos' avoidance as disinterest, he had failed to account for the fact that Thanatos was a well of consciously-repressed emotion. Where Zagreus wore his heart on his sleeve, Thanatos guarded his own with zeal. His apparent detachment when faced with a difficult conversation was no more than a bid to stay afloat in the depth of his own feelings. And seeing how hard he was trying to seem calm now told Zagreus that he had pushed too far. He chose his next words with care.

"That's the impression I got last time we had this conversation. Was I wrong? I told you that I care deeply about you, and you all but ran away from me, Than. After that, I assumed you weren't interested."

Then the storm hit.

" _I_ ran away? You have some nerve to say that, Zag." Thanatos let out a wry laugh that shook his frame. When he spoke again, his voice was brimming with all that he had been holding back. "You're the one who's leaving. Aren't you? You've been itching to get out of Styx since you arrived, and now you have your ticket. I won't begrudge you that, if it's what you want, but you don't get to judge me either. Or what? Did you expect me to run into your arms like it's that easy?"

Zagreus sat up in bed and put up his hands, reeling. "Hold on. Is this about the scholarship? What's that got to do with anything?"

"In case it escaped your notice so far, Zagreus, Olympus is across the country. You're saying that would have no bearing on us?"

"Across the country is still driveable! I've driven there to see my mum tons of times! And I didn't even dare hope there could be an us, since you didn't say anything!"

He had not meant for the words to ring like an accusation, but they did. Tension gripped Thanatos' shoulders as if he'd been struck. Seeing him then, Zagreus was put in mind of a cornered animal, as if even now, in his own room, a part of Thanatos was looking for a way out. He was visibly upset, scrambling against the fear that he had revealed too much, desperately trying to build his walls back up, to rein in whatever he was feeling. Whatever it was, it was a big feeling, and it would cast a big shadow over them for a long time if Zagreus allowed him to hide it away again, so he did not.

"I don't want to fight, Than," he said, voice a gentle entreaty. He patted a spot next to him on the mattress. "Come sit with me. Please."

No more than ten feet separated them, but the distance felt vast. There was an invisible line drawn in that space. If Thanatos gave in, and crossed, their relationship might be forever changed. Then again, perhaps their relationship had always been this: two people daring to take chances on each other because the bond they shared was more important than their respective fears.

Thanatos met Zagreus' eyes, and Zagreus saw that he understood. All the hurt and defensiveness drained from his frame, and he took a chance. He padded over and sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at Zagreus.

"I don't want to fight, either." He sighed, and was silent for a few moments, seemingly struggling to find the right words. Zagreus did not push him further. Eventually he settled on, "I don't mean to make you feel guilty about the scholarship. I think you should take it, if you want it. I shouldn't factor into your decision. I made up my mind to support you, and I will. But when you said you have feelings for me, you complicated everything." He let out an exasperated chuckle. "As you do."

Zagreus shuffled away from the wall to sit closer, watching Thanatos for any signs that he may withdraw again. His amber eyes widened ever so slightly, but he stayed where he was. Whatever was going through his mind, he was not backing out this time. And, Zagreus decided, neither was he.

"Thanatos, listen. What I feel for you, it's not a passing fancy. You matter to me, a lot, and I don't see that changing. Even if I go to Olympus, I wouldn't be leaving you behind. I couldn't. You know that, right?"

"I know. You're not the type to ditch your friends just like that." He paused, as if he were struggling against his instinct to hide away. There was a kernel of something raw and vulnerable in his voice when he spoke again. "But even if you stay in contact, I'm going to miss having you here. I didn't realize how much I was going to miss you until you decided to leave. The intensity of my feelings… it scared me, Zag."

"You're an intense kind of person," Zagreus said, and felt his stomach flip when Thanatos laughed.

"You're not wrong." There was so much fondness in the way he looked at Zagreus then, his eyes crinkling at the edges, his smile making dimples at the corners of his mouth. He was beautiful, and Zagreus could not look away. Then the slant of Thanatos' eyes turned serious again, and he said, "Zagreus, when you confessed to me… I had this terrible thought out of nowhere, that if I were honest with you, and told you that your feelings are mutual, maybe you would stay. I was disgusted with myself for thinking that, even for a second. So I… distanced myself. I'm sorry if that made you think I don't care. I do. I don't want you to leave without knowing that."

And Zagreus found that he knew. It was plain in the way Thanatos looked at him. He should have been bold instead of cautious. But he was in time to correct that mistake.

He reached out and took Thanatos' hand. They both looked down at the contact, amazed that it could be so easy as that. Whatever distance had existed between them was gone.

"What happens now?" asked Zagreus.

And Thanatos replied, "I don't know." But he shifted his hand in Zagreus' grip and laced their fingers together, palm against palm.

"If I go to Olympus, it'll be rough not getting to see you everyday anymore. But I don't want us to be… preemptively miserable now because of it."

"'Preemptively miserable', huh. That's an accurate choice of words." With a look of quiet wonder, he started brushing his thumb in soft circles over Zagreus' knuckles. The enamored Zagreus felt that his heart might burst from holding so much love.

It was with great effort that he said, "If you need time to think about it, I'll wait for you, Than. As long as it takes," and meant it.

"It feels like I've been thinking about it forever." Thanatos' gaze dropped to Zagreus' lips, and Zagreus bid a hearty goodbye to the last shreds of his restraint. "Zag, I…"

" _Yes_ ," he breathed out, and then Thanatos was kissing him.

Many fantasies had the young Zagreus entertained about this moment. In the reality of the kiss, he forgot them all. The first contact was everything when it happened, and then it was not enough. Thanatos' hand cupped his jaw, fingers laid on top of Zagreus' quickened pulse. He kissed like nothing else mattered, and Zagreus drowned in it. He struggled to inch closer, a feat made nigh impossible by the fastidiously neat bedsheets which pinned him from the waist down. So he threw his arms around Thanatos' neck to pull him in instead, eliciting a small sound of surprise from Thanatos as he braced his other hand against Zagreus' chest to keep his balance. He recovered quickly, and Zagreus smiled into the kiss. He was suddenly overcome with how much he wanted this. The mere notion of taking time and waiting seemed laughable now.

"I'm a fool," said Thanatos, when they broke for air. His voice was hoarse, and the gold in his eyes had all but surrendered to the black of his pupils. "Why didn't I say something sooner? I could've been kissing you this entire time."

"Uh, you said something about fear, I think," the inarticulate Zagreus mumbled.

Thanatos breathed out a laugh. "To hell with that," and closed the distance again.

The first kiss had set a high bar, but Thanatos apparently liked to exceed expectations in everything he did. This time he took it slow, as if he wanted to drag out the moment, and Zagreus could do nothing but hold onto him as his heart pounded in his ears. He was vaguely aware that their current position could not be comfortable for Thanatos, despite his enthusiasm. Carefully, Zagreus pressed closer and moved a hand down to Thanatos' waist, wordlessly nudging him to move and straddle Zagreus' lap instead.

It seemed as though the gist of the message got across, and Thanatos broke away and pulled his legs up onto the bed. He had a dazed look in his eyes, which matched how Zagreus felt—that is to say, hardly able to shake the theory that Asterius had knocked him clean out and all of this was an exceptionally hot fever dream. He distantly heard himself voice that thought, and saw something flicker in Thanatos' eyes, as if the words had pierced his laser focus. Then he cursed.

"Oh, hells, Zagreus. We should stop."

Zagreus paused in the motion of reaching for him again. "Are you okay, Than? Is this going too fast?"

"No, that's not it, you idiot. You're concussed, Zag. You shouldn't be getting your heart rate up like this."

Relief flooded Zagreus to know that he hadn't somehow messed things up. He let out a laugh, and Thanatos threw him a concerned look, so he said, "To be fair, my heart rate has been up for a while, so that ship has sailed. And I feel fine, Than. Better than fine, gods. I feel amazing."

"That's just your hormones. Doesn't mean you're actually fine." Despite his objections, Zagreus thought that he looked rather pleased with himself. Which was fair. Still, Zagreus retaliated by spreading his hand at the nape of Thanatos' neck and carding his fingers through his undercut, and he watched greedily as Thanatos shivered at the touch.

"Achilles only said there was a _chance_ that I might be, so it's not certain." He said it with the intent of putting Thanatos at ease, though he had little hope it would work. Thanatos would worry no matter what he said. "But let's stop, if you're not comfortable."

"Let's stop. I don't want to make your symptoms worse, if you are concussed." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself, and the look he was giving Zagreus did nothing to temper his pounding heart. "I hate Asterius right now."

"Yeah, a little."

But Zagreus couldn't help smiling. He felt like he was walking on clouds, knowing now that he had not imagined the attraction between them. He cupped Thanatos' face, simply because he could, and Thanatos made a low humming sound and leaned into the touch, his scowl softening at once.

"I'll go see Doctor Patroclus tomorrow, get him to check me. Then I'll go see your debate against Elysium College. You'll destroy Theseus," at this Thanatos hummed again, approving, "Asterius will be sad for his stupid boyfriend, and then we'll spend the rest of the day together. Does that sound good?"

"Sounds good." Thanatos turned his face and pressed a kiss to the inside of Zagreus' wrist, which made his heart stutter. Then he shifted and got up from the bed with a sigh.

"Going back to writing your paper?"

Thanatos looked resigned as he said, "I _should_."

"The desk is so far," cajoled Zagreus. It looked as if Thanatos might utter a response, but he seemed to think better of it. Zagreus pushed on, sensing his advantage. "What if you brought your laptop to bed and sat here with me while you work?"

"This bed is rather small, in case you haven't noticed." Which was not a _no_.

"I'd say it's just big enough for two people who like each other very much."

"That's not how beds are measured," Thanatos protested, flustered. Zagreus thought it was very cute, and also that he was winning the argument.

"Well, where were you planning to sleep tonight then? On the floor?"

There was a significant pause. "I hadn't thought that far yet." Which sounded like a lie, because, unlike Zagreus, Thanatos always thought ahead. "There's a mattress pad that was left behind when I moved into this room. I could sleep on that."

"What? You can't be serious. We can both fit on the bed, look." Zagreus shifted to lie on his side, with his back against the wall, as compact as he could be while maintaining some measure of comfort. It left enough room for another person to sit or lie down, as long as they didn't sprawl, and Thanatos was not the sprawling type. "See? It's perfect. You're sleeping with me tonight."

Thanatos looked like he'd had to bite back a laugh, and said, "I don't mind the demanding attitude, but I thought we agreed to keep our hands to ourselves tonight."

Zagreus, just then realizing the double entendre, thought that he might burst into flame and solve the matter of the bed by way of having combusted into thin air. "That's not what I—you—you know that's not what I meant. You're trying to distract me."

"Succeeding, I think."

So Thanatos liked to tease. Fine. That was fine. Zagreus was okay with thinking about that instead of getting any sleep ever again. "What happened to your concern about my heart rate? Shut up and get your books and stuff and come sit with me while you work or I'm going to kiss you stupid and you'll never finish that paper."

"I don't think threats are supposed to be tempting, but alright." He did laugh then, a rich, low sound that added a new layer of unfairness to the whole interaction. "Hold on, then. I'll be right back."

He walked his smug and handsome self back to the desk. Zagreus watched him stop to consider the half-moon of reference notes and books laid out around his laptop, which ended up being the only piece of the arrangement he gathered up. Then he dimmed the lights in the room, leaving them just bright enough to see by, and returned to the bed.

Despite his earlier insistence, Zagreus knew sitting on a semi-double bed to work with another person taking up space could not be all that comfortable, and he felt both sorry and charmed by the way the ever-graceful Thanatos perched on the mattress and uttered no complaint. Zagreus realized he was staring, but saw no reason to stop.

"Does the blue light off the screen bother you?" asked Thanatos, perhaps misinterpreting the attention.

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"You should rest, then. Goodnight, Zag."

Thanatos smiled down at him, and all Zagreus could giddily think was how handsome that smile made him look, and how many chances Zagreus might yet find to coax it from him. He let his eyes fall closed, lulled by that thought and the enveloping warmth it carried.

"Night, Than."

He was beginning to doze when, wickedly, like a needle threatening to burst that bubble, came the intrusive remembrance of Olympus. For the first time, the vague dread he had felt at the progressive realization of his plans took on a definite shape: _I should enjoy these moments while we're both in the same place_.

As if his thought had traveled unspoken, he felt Thanatos' eyes on him a few moments longer before the typing resumed, and eventually lulled Zagreus off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanatos debates in an exhibition to recruit new members for the club. Zagreus also debates, in a less literal sense, and makes a decision about the Olympus scholarship, with some help from Megaera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who subscribed and likely despaired in the past month and a half! Here is the second and final part of this fic, which started with a simple premise and then took on a life of its own. This chapter went through an obscene number of iterations, and was a huge learning experience for me, and I'm proud of the end result. In this one, Megaera shows up and is more than a little exasperated, and there's more ThanZag kisses.
> 
> This fic has become very dear to my heart, and I hope you'll enjoy it as well. As always, comments and kudos are appreciated! <3

Throughout the night, the sleep-resistant Zagreus flirted with consciousness at irregular intervals, but his body was too tired to commit to his insomniac fancies and he found repose in spite of himself. His half-formed dreams bled in and out of reality, cradled by the soothing sounds of the industrious Thanatos typing on his keyboard and, later, his soft steps around the room. A few times Zagreus began to stir, and his befogged senses became aware of Thanatos' gentle fingers combing lightly through his hair, eliciting a contented sigh from him before the weight of his exhaustion dragged him under again.

He woke fully only once. The room was silent then, and almost completely dark. The only vestige of light came from the street lamp outside the window, its amber hues softly piercing through the thinning curtains to outline the silhouette facing him on the bed. 

Thanatos lay asleep on his side, close to the edge of the mattress. He had not fully pulled the bedsheets over himself, perhaps to avoid rousing the slumbering Zagreus. His expression was peaceful, free of the manifold preoccupations that gnawed at him during the day, and the graceful lines of his torso rose and fell with every deep breath. Zagreus' heart ached at the sight of him. He strained his eyes in the dimness of the room, committing every detail of Thanatos' sleeping countenance to memory. 

The conflicting wants that coiled inside Zagreus of late reared their myriad heads and opened their jaws to tear him from every flank. Here was proof that Thanatos had been right in his earlier assessment: now that the enamored Zagreus knew that he could have this closeness between them, he was loath to surrender even a fraction of it. And yet, he could not so easily let go of the fervent aspirations that made Olympus' offer such an enticing prospect.  


Just a day ago, he may have been able to content himself with admiring Thanatos' printed likeness and imagining improbable romantic scenarios between them, always with the harsh conviction that such longing would never be fulfilled and the knowledge that their friendship was no less precious because of it. But in that precise moment, having so recently had his abstract fantasies dwarfed by the very real experience of Thanatos' mouth on his and the affectionate warmth in his eyes, the decision before him seemed more daunting than ever.

Assuredly he had been earnest when he had expressed his intent of driving down to visit if he did transfer, and he believed that, were he to leave Styx, Thanatos would understand his decision and support him in it, as he had affirmed. Nevertheless, the dread-filled Zagreus knew he could not expect to drive down every weekend, and when he did, what little time they could have together would fly by with cruel celerity, as his brief visits to his long-absent mother always had. How long, he wondered, would phone calls and perhaps a handsome poster on his wall serve to dull that distance? 

He found himself inundated by turmoil, lovingly gazing at the sleeping Thanatos and wanting to make him happy, as he deserved, but knowing that he might instead bring grief with his departure, and unable to quench his ambition in spite of it. Even if Thanatos understood why he was leaving, Zagreus' first-hand experience had taught him that the understanding of a necessary absence did not mitigate any suffering it may cause. 

He watched Thanatos for a few heartbeats longer, eyes tracing the curve of his lashes on his cheeks, the arch of his nose, the cut of his jaw. Then, as carefully as he could, he lifted the blanket that lay mostly covering himself to drape over his cherished partner as well. Satisfied when this did not wake him, he rested his hand in the hollow of Thanatos' upturned palm and traced reverent circles with his thumb over Thanatos' knuckles until sleep claimed him again.

  
  


* * *

  
  


When next he came to his senses, the room was filled with morning light and Thanatos was gently rocking him awake and calling his name. His voice was soft but it pierced through the haze of sleep and put a smile on Zagreus' face. 

"G'morning," he yawned, and blearily opened his eyes. 

"Good morning, Zag." 

Thanatos was perched on the edge of the bed, clad in a dark purple dress shirt, black tie, and neatly pressed slacks; an alluring sight to wake up to. Zagreus' mind, made sluggish by his unusually long indulgence in sleep, took a moment to dredge up his awareness of the debate scheduled for that morning and connect it to the formality of the outfit. 

Absently, he wondered at Thanatos' uncanny ability to move about in complete silence when he wanted to; Zagreus had not heard or felt him leave the bed, though he must have been up for some time. 

"Your bed is magic. I slept like the dead." Even after waking, his body remained faithful to the analogy: he was stiff from lying in the same cramped position all night. He stretched his arms over his head until he felt his muscles unwind and his back pop, and let out a sigh of satisfaction. At the edge of his vision, he saw Thanatos' eyes wander down the line of his torso, and he grinned, entirely too pleased with himself. "Than? You okay there?" 

He bit back a laugh at the way Thanatos started at the sound of his own name and snapped his gaze back to the smug Zagreus' face. Petulantly, he said, "Yes, of course I'm okay. I'm not the one who got beaten up yesterday." 

"Right, that was me. Did you want to check me for bruises, or...?"

Thanatos scoffed, but Zagreus knew better than to mistake it for genuine annoyance. "I assume you have no shortage of those, and I need to leave soon." At that, the exultant Zagreus did laugh, conceding the point, and he saw merriment dance in Thanatos' eyes, much in spite of the sobriety of his tone. "How are you feeling today?" 

"Right now? Invincible."

"Be serious, Zagreus. I meant on a physical level." He further specified, "Your injuries. Are you in pain, or dizzy?"

Zagreus mentally catalogued the various dull aches left behind by Asterius' fists and judged them unimportant. Pain was a sensation he was accustomed to, a house guest whose comings and goings were frequent enough to be hardly noteworthy anymore, barring some special visits of a particularly memorable nature. This was not one such, and he saw no point in inviting Thanatos' worry. 

"I'm a little sore, but that's about it. I'll go see Doctor Patroclus just in case, anyway. Though there's, uh, something I want to double-check with you first."

"Yes?"

"About last night. I didn't dream our conversation, did I? It actually happened?"

Thanatos' expression shuttered at the question. "It happened, yes. Are you... having second thoughts?"

"What, are you serious?" He was, Zagreus realized. He sat up and reached out to take his hand, wishing to convey his sincerity through the gesture. "Not a chance, Than. I told you, I'm not going to change my mind." 

He saw the way Thanatos relaxed at the confirmation, and was gripped by the desire to bear him down onto the bed and make sure he would never doubt again but, at that untimely moment, he knew that he could not. He settled for the second best option, which was to reach for him, fisting one hand in the front of his shirt to pull him in for a kiss. He felt the minute hitch of Thanatos' breath just before their lips met, as if he could not believe it was real, and Zagreus set about proving to him that it was.

By the look on Thanatos' face when they parted, he surmised he had been convincing enough. 

"Zag," Thanatos breathed. He had braced his hands on Zagreus' shoulders and there they clutched at his frame and the fabric of his shabby T-shirt. "Gods. I have to be coherent for the debate in... I don't know. Soon. I should have already left." But he was not letting go.

"Just making sure I got my point across, Than." He couldn't stop grinning. "Did I do a good job?"

"Like you don't know. Don't fish for compliments." 

Zagreus laughed, taking those words as one. Regretfully, he released his hold on Thanatos, and was pleased to see that it seemed to take him some effort to do the same.

"I won't keep you any longer, then. I'll see you later?"

"Yes, I'll see you after the debate. It's just an exhibition to recruit new members, I don't imagine we'll go longer than ninety minutes." He sounded like he was saying this for his own benefit as much as Zagreus' which, to the latter, felt like another laurel for his crown. "Stop looking so smug, Zagreus. You're incorrigible. I'm going to be late because of you."

Leaning back, Zagreus fished his phone out from under the pillow and turned on the screen. There were over fifty messages from the Olympus chat, which would no doubt prove entertaining, as all live reports of their parties were, but he ignored those for the time being. "It's still 9:30. I thought the debate started at 10."

"I have to be at the auditorium early. I'm the first debater for Styx." 

It was, at most, a ten minute walk to the auditorium from the dorms if one took a leisurely pace, and Thanatos always walked with purpose. Nothing short of a natural disaster could have made him late. Perhaps even such unlikely eventualities were taken into account with his ample buffer; Zagreus would not have been surprised if this were the case. 

Nevertheless, he clapped Thanatos' shoulder twice, the universal  _ off-you-go _ gesture that his sports history had drilled into his mannerisms, and the astute Thanatos, appearing to recognize it as such, gave him an amused look before standing up. 

In truth, watching Thanatos at that moment was not so dissimilar in spirit from watching his teammates gather themselves before skating onto the rink. Where hockey players might check their gear or fidget with their stick, there was likewise a ritual quality to Thanatos' movements as he straightened his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles left by Zagreus' fist, and infinitesimally tightened and centered the perfect full Windsor knot of his tie. His expression was stolid as he squared his shoulders, like a man headed to battle. For him, the debate may count as such. 

Then, unexpectedly, he turned his attention back to Zagreus. "Didn't you say yesterday that you were working on not staring so much?" His tone was deadpan, and Zagreus could not tell if he was bothered or not, but he had a point.

Sheepishly, he replied, "Sorry about that. It's a work in progress. Does it make you uncomfortable when I stare?"

A pause. "Sometimes."

"Oh. Sorry. I'll do my best to avoid that from now on."

"You don't need to." Thanatos frowned, seeming to struggle with a thought before he found the words to pin it down. "I suppose what I'm saying is it can be a little overwhelming to feel so much of your attention on me, but it's not overwhelming in a bad sense. It's... flattering. I don't mind it."

"Then I'll probably keep doing it, if we're being honest with ourselves," said the young Zagreus, displaying remarkable self-awareness for once. "It's hard not to look."

The corners of Thanatos' mouth twitched upward. "Suit yourself. I'll take that as permission to do the same." He shook back his left sleeve to check his wristwatch and, showing faint alarm in the face of potential tardiness, his greatest fear, he announced, "It's 9:33. I really have to be going now." 

He began to turn away, then hesitated and, seemingly overcome by impulse as he rarely was, he bent down to plant a kiss on Zagreus' forehead. Taken unaware by that tender gesture, Zagreus felt his breath catch in his throat and was perfectly still, his preternatural hyperactivity contained by the softness of that unexpected moment. Thanatos' lips lingered for several heartbeats, and then withdrew, leaving the smitten Zagreus to stare up at him in adoration, and then follow him with his gaze as he beat a tactical retreat to the desk and busied himself with the contents of a briefcase, his back turned. 

An overdue realization struck Zagreus and swept him away with it, and it was this: the word  _ crush _ didn't cut it anymore, if it ever had. Looking at his oldest friend fastidiously arranging his belongings, turned almost defensively away, Zagreus knew the fondness squeezing his heart for what it was. He was in love. 

He held that thought and sat quietly with it, marveling that he had taken so long to see the truth of it. Perhaps it had always been there, waiting to be acknowledged. 

His musings were interrupted by the object of his redefined affections, who presently appeared to have succeeded in imposing the desired order upon his belongings and fastened the briefcase closed. "One more thing, Zag." He paused, and Zagreus saw his shoulders tense and heard the carefully restrained uncertainty in his tone. "I wasn't sure if you would feel unwell when you woke up, so I texted Megaera to ask if she could go with you to the doctor's office, in case your symptoms worsened. She agreed."

Still in the daze of his recent epiphany, Zagreus' mind struggled to process this new information, which it managed with difficulty and a vague sense of trepidation. "Oh. She doesn't need to be at the debate?"

"Not until about an hour from now. She's last in our roster, as club president." Thanatos held the briefcase at his side and turned to look at Zagreus, a hesitant air about him. "Should I not have asked?"

The conflicted Zagreus considered the question, one for which there was no simple answer. Despite the rather tumultuous nature of his relationship with Megaera—his former high-school sweetheart and one of Thanatos' closest friends—Zagreus recognized the good faith in that request: Thanatos was relying on the person he trusted most to help when he himself could not. The possibly-concussed athlete tailored his response in accordance with this insight. 

"No, it's fine. I know you're worried, and having Meg accompany me would probably help put you at ease."

"It would, but this isn't about me. If I've overstepped—" 

"Than. I told you, it's okay. We'll be fine, we've been doing remarkably well at civil conversation lately." Thanatos regarded him dubiously, as if he could read his misgivings on his features—a likely circumstance, for the earnest Zagreus had never been adept at concealing his emotions, though still he persevered thus: "Granted, we're not exactly  _ friends _ at the moment, but I'm sure we can manage a peaceful ten minute walk in each other's company. I don't mind that you asked her."

There was a strained quality to Thanatos' voice when next he spoke. "You know you can tell me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, right?" 

In the wake of such a question, uttered with a weight that belied its apparent simplicity, the uneasy Zagreus vainly searched his partner's expression for clues as to his train of thought, for he was quickly sensing that the conversation had shifted away from the difficulties of his relationship with Megaera to probe at a deeper concern, and he feared the answer that came to his mind was not the one being sought. 

"I know," he said, every word a careful step in the dark. "You asked her because you're concerned, and I'm grateful for that, Than. What do you want me to say?" 

Thanatos scowled. A moment too late, Zagreus realized his metaphorical foot had stepped on the wrong floorboard.

"I don't want you to guess at what I want you to say, Zagreus. Just tell me what  _ you _ want to tell me. That's why I asked, even if I did it after the fact." 

By virtue of their long acquaintance, the surprised athlete intuitively recognized that this was only an echo of whatever worry had gripped Thanatos, but not knowing its true source he could not attempt to assuage it. "I know, I just... it's complicated. It's not that I don't want to be around Meg, I just get the feeling she doesn't particularly want to be around me. But she said yes, so that's that. I'll go with her." He balled his hands into fists in his lap, observing with desperation the guarded slant of Thanatos' amber eyes, his tight grip on the briefcase handle, his body angled toward the door. "Are you upset with me?"

"No, Zagreus, I'm not upset," he retorted, yet the heavy sigh that followed seemed to debunk the credibility of his words; he must have realized this himself, for he added, "Don't mind me. There's no point in arguing about this. If you're feeling well and you'd rather go alone, please text her and let her know. I have to go." He moved to open the door. 

Zagreus hastily called, "Okay. I'll see you at the auditorium later?" 

He suppressed a wince at the antsy edge in his voice. Thanatos surely noticed it as well, for he stopped in the threshold, one hand on the doorknob, halfway out of the room. "Yes, Zagreus. I'll see you later." He regarded Zagreus a moment longer, hovering on the edge of speaking again, but then he glanced down at his watch and sighed again, seemingly despairing of finding whatever words he was looking for. All he said was, "I'm going now." 

"Good luck, Than." 

His boyfriend nodded, and then he was gone. Zagreus, now alone in the room, buried his face in his hands and groaned.

  
  


* * *

  
  


In a bid to impose order on his thoughts, the restless Zagreus enacted it outwardly on the space around him. There was precious little that required tidying up in Thanatos' room, but he cracked the windows to let fresh air in and made the bed, a task he invariably shunned in his own chaotic quarters. His attempts to figure out how to tuck the corners of the bedsheets as sharply as they had been the previous evening found little success, which led him to quickly downgrade his aspirations from Thanatos' exacting standards to an average level of neatness. After he was done, he gathered his bag and returned to his room.

The curtains were half-drawn and, for once, Hypnos was not napping on any of the plush furnishings. Most likely, he was at the auditorium, if only to secure a comfortable seat where he may snooze until the debate started. Zagreus grabbed a change of clothes from his drawer, on his way stepping over an oft-perused promotional pamphlet for Olympus University sent by Athena months ago, as well as one of Hypnos' many pillows, and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. 

Impulsively he turned the water on as hot as it would go, and stood under the spray until his skin was numb from it. The discomfort in his quickly-reddening shoulders served to temporarily soothe the maelstrom of unwelcome thoughts swirling in his mind. When he emerged, flushed from the heat, the notification light of his phone was flashing, and there was a curt text from Megaera. 

He dressed quickly, gave his hair a perfunctory pass of the towel to dry it and hurried outside, where his ex-girlfriend waited with her hands on her hips, exuding impatience. 

By way of greeting, she said, "Come on. Let's go get your head checked. I don't have all morning." Then she turned around and set off briskly down the hallway. 

He followed her with his eyes first, mentally arming himself with an arsenal of charming quips with which he might attempt to deflect her scorn and insinuate himself into her good graces for the duration of their walk, if not permanently—for, indeed, there was only so much one could hope to accomplish within the span of a few minutes. 

"Appreciate the vote of confidence," muttered the anxious Zagreus, discharging his nerves by protesting the words of this humble narrator. Compulsively he wiped his sweaty palms on the front of his pants and then jogged to catch up. Once they were level, he risked a sideways look. 

The ever-imposing Megaera had dressed formally for the debate, foregoing her usual form-fitting wear in favor of a royal blue blouse, puffed at the shoulders and tucked into a pencil skirt, and her customary spiky jewelry had been replaced by simple golden studs to adorn her pierced ears. She wore high heels that tapered to a point. Barefoot, she would already have towered above Zagreus' modest height, but the shoes made her nearly a full head taller than him. They clicked sharply on the linoleum with every purposeful step. 

The impressionable Zagreus knew better than to voice any compliments, in light of the uncertain ground on which he currently stood with her, but nevertheless found himself awestruck by her commanding presence. He spared a silent prayer for whoever of the Elysium debaters would have the misfortune of facing her; more than ever, she looked like a vengeful goddess. 

"If you've got something to say, spit it out, Zagreus," she snapped, no doubt aware of his less-than-subtle scrutiny.

"Sorry," he said, a reflex that he had never unlearned with her, and saw her roll her eyes. "I wanted to thank you, Meg. For the company. I feel fine, but it's still a nice gesture."

"You know I'm doing this for Thanatos, not for you."

"I figured as much. Still, thanks. I know he appreciates it, and so do I."

"You're welcome, Zagreus." She smirked, a familiar expression that made the ghost of warmth bloom in his chest, even though he suspected her amusement to be at his expense. Such suspicions were quickly confirmed. "I told Than he shouldn't worry, since your skull's too thick for any lasting damage, but he didn't seem convinced." 

"Harsh, Meg. But probably true." 

She hummed in response, as if to say  _ of course it's true _ . It was matter-of-fact, a barb untipped with the venom that he had come to expect from such thinly-veiled indictments of his character. Whether this glimpsed mercy was the fruit of her most charitable mood, which he had not enjoyed in quite some time, or else a sign that the anger she had long harbored for him had morphed into cold indifference, he did not wish to know. 

Presently she interrupted his anxious musings by pleasantly saying, "From what Thanatos told me when he texted me, it seems you're done dancing around each other. I'd say congratulations are in order."

"Thank you," replied the surprised Zagreus. "He told you already, then. That was fast." Thanatos was a private person; that he had been so eager to share the news of their relationship warmed Zagreus' heart, in spite of his unease regarding the unfortunate turn of their most recent interaction. 

"Of course he told me. He's one of my best friends." The piercing look that accompanied her retort triggered a notion that, perhaps, this conversation would not be the friendly overture that Zagreus might have hoped for. He tried not to squirm under her gaze and failed miserably. "You seem uncomfortable, Zagreus. I'm sure I'll regret asking this, but is something the matter?"

"Just have a lot I've been thinking about today is all."

"You, lost in thought? That can't possibly end well."

He huffed out a laugh. "You're telling me."

It had been a jest at his expense, and yet an insightful one, for Megaera had experienced first-hand the disastrous consequences of allowing the naturally-impulsive Zagreus to wallow in his thoughts for longer than was his usual inclination. He noted her expectant glances in his direction as they continued down the hallway, which soon enough convinced him to elaborate. As long as they were walking side by side, he figured, they might as well speak of something, and no promising alternatives came to mind. 

"Here's a proposition, then, Meg. You listen to my worries, which I'm sure will sound quite absurd to you, and you may feel free to mock me if you so feel the need, but tell me your opinion after. What do you say?"

She released a low, pensive hum. "Zagreus, if you really think your worries are absurd, why would you need me to tell you that?"

"They don't feel as absurd as I'm trying to tell myself they are," said the troubled athlete. "I want to hear what you think. I trust your judgment."

The evaluating look she turned on him then planted a seed of doubt, and he second-guessed the wisdom of his request, but before he could think to retract it, she nodded. "Very well. Let's hear it, then, Zagreus. It's about Thanatos, isn't it."

"Yes and no," he replied, taken aback, for he always found himself unprepared when faced with Megaera's intuitive understanding of his character. "It's uncanny how you're still able to do that. I didn't say anything yet."

"Call that an educated guess. There aren't many other reasons you'd be wound so tight. Keep talking."

"You know how I texted him about the poster yesterday, right?" 

Megaera smirked. "I remember. When he saw the messages, I believe his exact words were 'I want to die'."

"Were they? Well, I'm glad he was flattered and I didn't make a total fool of myself," said Zagreus with a chuckle, having correctly assessed Thanatos' flustered reaction from such a phrase, but quickly his expression turned serious again. "I spent hours after that worried it looked like I was making unwanted advances, and that I'd upset him and he'd get tired of me."

"Come on, Zag. Thanatos, get tired of you?"

He felt himself flush at the incredulity in her voice. "Look, just let me finish. Unsurprisingly for you no doubt, it turned out he  _ wasn't _ tired of me, so that part was fine—better than fine, actually—but now I think maybe I did upset him, earlier this morning." He spoke passionately, with his sight nebulously fixed on the fire door at the end of the hallway, so he was fully unaware of the upward journey of Megaera's sculpted eyebrows. "And I keep thinking, what if I mess it all up? If I go to Olympus, we only have about two more months together here, and he said he'll support me, but what if I do something wrong and he decides long-distance isn't worth it?" 

He had to take a moment to simply breathe after so vehemently disgorging his concerns, and glanced up at his ex-girlfriend, who had the familiar pinched look she reserved for exceptionally daft statements.

"That," she began, that single syllable already laden with judgment, "is the stupidest thing you've said in some time. Then again, we haven't talked in a while, so maybe there have been other contenders for that title and I just haven't heard."

"I guess I did give you full permission to mock me," conceded the chastised Zagreus. They had reached the side exit of the dormitories, and he stepped forward to push open the door and held it for Megaera. "After you."

As she passed by him, stepping out onto the path that would lead them alongside the track field and to the building that housed the campus doctor's office, her striking hazel eyes scanned his face, unsubtly marking his visible injuries, and he had a moment to wonder how bad the bruising looked before he followed her out. 

"Asterius must have knocked you around hard if you really believe what you just said, Zag." She sighed, conveying an air of exasperation wholly justified given the circumstances. "You know Thanatos as well as I do. He'll hem and haw as long as he's allowed to, but once he's made up his mind, he's almost as stubborn as you. He won't give up so easily just because he can't see you every day." She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Zagreus. Transferring to a new school in a different city isn't the relationship killer you seem to think it is."

He did not immediately reply, for he knew her appraisal of Thanatos to be true, yet her words resonated uneasily with the kernel of fear in his heart, for no other reason than because they were hers. He searched her expression, with some difficulty; she faced implacably ahead and would not meet his eyes. His lips gave shape to the dread uncertainty inside him.

"I didn't mean to mess things up between us either, when you moved away for college," said the earnest Zagreus, voice small to his own ears. "But I did anyway. I'm more sorry than I can possibly say, Meg. And I'm afraid of that happening again, with Than this time. You're both so dear to me, I—"

"Save it, Zagreus. I've heard enough of your apologies. And you must realize Thanatos doesn't want you to stay here for him if you really want to go. Or what, would you have wanted me to waste a year waiting around until you graduated high school?"

"No. That would have been dumb." The regret-stricken Zagreus thought back to the sorrows of that summer: his first girlfriend moving away to college just as he was beginning to grasp the full extent of his feelings for her, his best friend Thanatos moving away with her to the same distant school. Meanwhile Zagreus was left behind in his father's house, alone in a grim-faced town, clinging to a hope that he might manage to borrow his father's car to visit them or his absent mother, of whom he had only a distant childhood memory of a sun-kissed smile and a warm embrace. "Even back then, I understood that, as poorly as I handled it. I said a lot of stupid things to you."

"You're not abandoning him by going to Olympus, Zagreus."

Her voice was unexpectedly gentle as she said the words—perhaps because she was intimately aware that she was striking at the root of Zagreus' most persistent fear, the one that had held him in its thorny grip for most of his life. To hear it so succinctly stated made it seem so small, even as it threatened to overpower him.

"I don't ever want him to think I'm leaving because I don't want to be with him," he said, giving voice to that anxiety. "I do. I've told him I do, but it feels like he's still second-guessing it to some extent. When I leave, is that going to get worse?"

"I swear, you two idiots are made for each other." Spoken in that way, this did not sound like a compliment, but Zagreus nevertheless detected a hint of fondness in her tone. "Once you leave, I expect he'll mope for a time, and I'll be taking him out for drinks with more frequency to make sure he doesn't get too deep in his own head. Do expect me to invoice you for it if you hurt him and I end up dealing with your mess. Better yet—don't hurt him."

"I see we've moved past mockery and straight to threats. Or, at least, that's what that sounded like," observed Zagreus, smiling in spite of himself.

"Oh, it absolutely was. I like that you're quick to catch on." Her returning smile, if it could be called such, was forged out of sharp edges. "Than wants what's best for you, and he deserves to be happy, Zagreus. I won't forgive you if you break his heart."

"I won't. At least, I'll try my damnedest not to, and hope it's enough." 

They continued down the paved path in a sort of silence of a quality adjacent to comfortable, as close to it as the ever-talkative Zagreus was ever comfortable in such quiet moments. Shortly they reached the building that housed their destination, and again Zagreus opened and held the door for Megaera, feeling for once cautiously hopeful in her esteemed presence. In the heartbeats between each step, each sharp  _ click _ of her heels stabbing the quiet of the empty hallway, his foolish heart gathered its courage and he was moved to speak again.

"Thanks for listening to me, Meg. I really appreciate it." He put his hands inside the pockets of his varsity jacket in an attempt to avoid fidgeting. She glanced at him, but said nothing. "For all I know, that was also for Than's sake more than mine, but I'm grateful anyway."

"You're welcome, Zag," she said, somewhat warily, as if she could sense what he would say next. 

"And it's nice, occasionally, to talk like this. Without, you know, feeling like you can't stand me. After the way things ended between us, I'd understand if you never wanted to see me again, but if there's even a chance that that's not the case—"

"The jury's still out on that one. Besides, we're here," she interrupted, stopping in her tracks, and jabbed her thumb at a door down the corridor. A door that was, in fact, the doctor's office, and it was ajar. Zagreus swallowed what he had been about to say. "Go on. I'll wait here. But if you take longer than ten minutes, I'm leaving."

"Right." Her expression was opaque, and he could find in it no purchase for the outsized hopes of his heart. In hindsight, it had been near hubristic to expect a single semi-friendly conversation could start to bridge the rift between them. Absently, he wondered how well their voices had carried down the hall. "Right," he repeated, and walked away. 

* * *

  
  


The dejected Zagreus took a deep breath and knocked. Shortly he heard Doctor Patroclus' deep voice call, "It's open."

"So it is," agreed Zagreus, as nonchalantly as he was able to manage, which was not much. He slipped inside and closed the door behind him, relieved when he heard it click. "Doctor Patroclus, sir, I was hoping you could examine me, if now's not a bad time. I got a bit battered yesterday, and coach Achilles—"

The doctor held up a hand, and Zagreus stopped rambling. "He told me." His dark eyes creased with a smile as he shrugged on his white coat. "Why don't you take a seat on the cot there, and I'll take a look at you."

"Thank you, sir." 

The polite Zagreus quickly did as he had been told, relieved for once to coexist in silence as the doctor examined him. 

The frequency of his visits to Patroclus' immaculate office lent a familiarity to the process, so that he required no prompting or explanation as the doctor gently poked and prodded at his injuries to test the extent of the damage. The routine of those ministrations relaxed him, which Patroclus seemed to notice, for he was a deeply perceptive man, much like his partner Achilles. He waited until the end of the exam to listen to Zagreus' heart and check his pupils. Then, in a tone of wry disbelief, he declared Zagreus the picture of good health. 

"You heal faster than any patient I've ever had," Doctor Patroclus said, applying light pressure to Zagreus' cheekbone, where Asterius' knuckles had impacted. "By all rights you should have a black eye, but the bruising is mostly healed already. Does it hurt?"

"It's a bit sore, sir."

"'A bit sore', he says. Well, I'm sure you'll be good as new soon enough. You don't show signs of concussion." He let out a long-suffering sigh and stepped back. "And don't be offended if I say I don't want to see you in my office again for the remainder of the semester. You're in here far too often, I fear."

Zagreus sheepishly acknowledged the truth of that statement. Giving his thanks, he put his varsity jacket back on. He had lost track of time during the exam, and wondered if Megaera would still be waiting outside. Doctor Patroclus sat down at his desk to make notes in a file, but when his patient stood from the cot, he glanced up and pointed to a large tupperware placed beside him. 

"Before you go, feel free to help yourself. I made cookies last night, if you're interested."

"Oh wow, yes please," immediately replied the ever-hungry Zagreus, for it was a feat beyond his means to turn down the doctor's baked goods, a delicacy worshipped with particular fervor by the members of the Styx hockey team. The attractiveness of the offer was further compounded by the fact that he had skipped breakfast that morning, as his growling stomach eagerly reminded him. He peered into the tupperware at the three varieties available. 

"Take two, if you'd like," said Patroclus, with a knowing lilt in his voice. "One of those for the lady outside, perhaps. As a peace offering, if you will."

Zagreus did, wrapping them separately in paper napkins from a stack placed beside the container. He thought about Thanatos, sitting beside him when he had woken up, and wondered if he had eaten anything before the debate. He glanced at the doctor and asked, "Is it okay if I take three?" 

"Be my guest."

Zagreus thanked him and excused himself, three cookies wrapped and lovingly tucked inside the pockets of his jacket. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


When he stepped out into the hallway, he expected to find it deserted, but Megaera was where he had left her, scrolling on her phone, her right foot tapping impatiently on the floor. 

"I was about to leave," she said at his approach.

"Glad I got here first then." He gave her a smile, recalling Patroclus' words:  _ a peace offering. _ "How would you like a cookie?"

The question appeared to placate her mood, if only by virtue of its unexpectedness. "You got cookies from the doctor's office?" 

"He makes them for the team sometimes. Your sisters love them, actually. As much as they're capable of loving anything, anyway." He took out the three palm-sized bundles and unwrapped them enough to see which was which; then, he returned one to his pocket. "Okay. Pick one out of these two. Chocolate chip or peanut butter?"

"What's the third one?"

"White chocolate and macadamia nuts, but I can't give it to you, it's Than's favorite. Sorry." He held out her two options, one in each hand. "If you can't decide, we can take half and half. Like good friends."

"Oh? These must be god-tier cookies, if you think they're enough to buy my friendship." It stung to hear her so clearly spell out that he currently held no claim to such a bond, but she delivered the jab without malice, the way she had used to tease him before everything had turned sour between them, and so he clung to his far-fetched hope of reaching a truce. "Let's split them, then."

She reached out to do so with a care that rather surprised him—unhurriedly, seemingly trying to get perfect halves, or as close to it as the consistency of the dough would allow. There was a strangely ceremonial quality to the process, or so it felt to Zagreus as he stood before her in the otherwise empty hallway, holding out the offerings with steady pulse as she performed her task. 

When she was done, she regarded with satisfaction her handiwork: the crumbly, serrated edges of the four pieces. Peremptorily, and without so much as a thank-you in his direction, she said, "Give me one of the napkins."

Zagreus hurried to do so. He shifted his halves onto his right palm and offered the napkin on the left. As she took it, errant crumbs slid off and down the sleeve of his jacket, tickling his arm until he shook them out. 

"Go on, try them."

"Fine." There was a pause of deliberation, and Zagreus realized then there might be some difficulty to the task if she meant to avoid smearing her lipstick before the debate. He had an instant to wonder if she would break off a piece with her fingers, but it turned out she was only considering which one to try first. She brought the chocolate chip one to her lips and bit into it, unconcerned. Her mouth left a pink print on the edge, but her lipstick defied his expectation and did not budge. 

"Your lipstick's magical," said the fascinated Zagreus. 

Once she had swallowed, she said, "Mm. Not magical, but close enough." Then she bit into the other cookie. Zagreus watched her expression, awaiting her verdict. At length, she said, "Stop staring, Zagreus. Aren't you going to eat yours?"

"Oh, right," he said, feeling quite foolish. 

He proceeded to do as prompted and chose not to be disheartened by the vaguely horrified look Megaera sent his way when he stacked his two different halves and bit into them at once as if he were eating a sandwich, like an uneducated savage. Perhaps the act of finding new ways to consume his food in as barbaric a manner as possible was a source of amusement to him, for he chuckled at this humble narrator's description of his frankly disgusting behavior. 

The dignified Megaera made no further overtures to conversation until such a time as they had both finished their snack, she having done so with far more refinement and patience. Eventually, as they neared the auditorium, she said, "When the debate is over, Zagreus, you should talk to Than. I don't know what you might have said to upset him, if you did, but you should fix it."

Zagreus nodded. "I'll find him when it's over. He's usually not in the most talkative mood after a debate, though. He needs time to unwind."

"Do you really think he'll be able to unwind after you just had an argument?" Megaera scoffed. "Talk to him, Zagreus."

"Yeah, you're right. I will." 

"And stop overthinking everything. I hate to admit this, but your lack of circumspection has always been part of your charm. This insecurity isn't a good look on you." 

Briefly he considered calling her out on veering so close to paying him a compliment, but decided against it. Despite the animosity that had characterized several of their interactions since his arrival at Styx, hearing her speak of him without rancor in her voice gave him some hope that not all was lost. And, as ever, she was right about him—his heart, foolish as it may be, had never led him astray. 

"You're right." He scrubbed his face with his hands, pushing down the apprehension that rose in him. "You know, I really love him, Meg. It's all a little scary right now." 

He was taken aback by hearing her laughter beside him, for it was not a scornful sound, but rather her real laughter, short but rich with benevolent amusement. He looked up at her in amazement. "Of course you love him," she said, for he had spoken words so obvious they need not be stated. "You don't feel anything by halves. You just can't help yourself, can you, Zag."

"Maybe so," he agreed, smiling around the tightness in his chest. "And... sometime, if you're not opposed, you and I should talk, too. I don't want to leave without clearing the air between us. If that's alright with you."

The beautiful Megaera's expression had sobered, and she considered him for a moment that dragged out tortuously for the hopeful Zagreus; eventually, she said, "I'll think about it," which was not a  _ no _ .

"That's all I ask." 

They stood now outside the auditorium, and Thanatos' bewitching baritone drifted from inside, the volume of the speakers not entirely dampened by the heavy brass doors. The lovestruck Zagreus gravitated toward the sound, reaching out to curl his hand around the brass handle. 

"Thanks for the cookies, Zag," Megaera said, with a faint smirk. Her lipstick was still perfect. "Now go in there and watch your boyfriend wipe the floor with Theseus."

_ Boyfriend.  _ Truly it was a wonder his face did not split in two, so widely was he grinning at that word. "Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait." 

She gave him a knowing look and turned away; as he opened his mouth to ask, she explained, "I'm taking the other entrance. I have to go in through the wings." 

"Oh, right. Well, see you later then."

"See you around, Zag," she called over her shoulder. 

The ever-warmhearted Zagreus watched her walk away for a moment longer; then, with a smile on his face and the sound of Thanatos' voice in his ears, he pushed open the doors and let himself into the auditorium.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Afterward, he would remember very little of the debate itself. 

He slipped through the side doors with care, pushing them open just wide enough to pass without triggering the complaints of the rusty hinges. In the audience he spotted a number of familiar heads, among them Hypnos' tousled curls and his classmate Dusa's dark green braids but, rather than approach either of them, he quickly found an empty seat nearby with a good view of the stage and the two modest podiums upon it. 

Behind the one on the left stood Thanatos with perfect poise, convincingly exposing some argument or other; his voice rang evenly and compellingly into the microphone before him and throughout the chamber, and Zagreus found himself warmed by its very sound even if the elegant syllogisms it laid out found no immediate purchase in his mind. The opposite podium was attended by the likewise familiar, if far less esteemed figure of Theseus, of Elysium College, who had once before faced Thanatos in official competition and been thoroughly defeated. Judging from the scoreboard, history was looking to repeat itself. 

Time stretched out agonizingly. 

The restless Zagreus had never so deeply resented the experience of socially-enforced idleness as he did for the forty minutes he sat in that auditorium. His mind was whirring as he processed the conversation with Megaera and her encouraging words regarding Thanatos and his potential transfer. 

Just a day ago, he had feared that going to Olympus might disappoint his idolized coach, that Thanatos may not reciprocate his affections, that Megaera might never again deign to give him the time of day. Now that all those concerns had been banished, he considered the possibility that his current insecurities may be just as misguided, and he was so filled with renewed excitement about the changing direction of his life that he could not bear to sit still.

When Thanatos' intervention ended, and the judges put their heads together to confer about his score, Zagreus caught his eye briefly. He sat close enough to the stage that he saw the shadow of uncertainty that flitted over Thanatos' features then, and the minute relief that replaced it when Zagreus gave him two thumbs up. Thanatos coughed discreetly into his fist, perhaps concealing a smile. 

The remainder of the debate he whiled away on his phone. He read back what he had missed in the Olympus group chat, namely the recounting of their most recent debauch, and found himself holding back laughter as he scrolled down the increasingly drunken conversation. 

The epic tale of Dionysus' improvised party was a compelling, if fragmentary, narrative told across dozens of text messages, pictures, and brief audio clips from various contributors who became progressively more unreliable as the evening progressed. Only one among them, Zagreus' wise and responsible cousin Athena, preserved the continuity by requesting or providing periodical updates on the whereabouts and activities of her far more inebriated co-protagonists. 

The story was light-hearted in tone and dealt primarily with the events and debauchery of the party itself, though halfway through the night a theft subplot emerged, as Dionysus claimed one of his bottles of Ambrosia had been stolen from his person by some unknown entity, a claim tactfully questioned by Aphrodite and later accepted by Artemis as a personal quest. Scrolling to the end, the identity of the alleged thief was not revealed, although some closure was given, as Artemis provided proof of her successful tracking of her alcoholic quarry around 4AM, in the form of a picture of said item sitting, inexplicably, in the shower in Ares' room. No further speculation was made about this circumstance.

The young Zagreus followed the various threads of the conversation to their conclusion with fondness and the practiced ease of one who received and deciphered such drunken chronicles at least once a week. Now and then, he glanced at the proceedings on the stage. 

During one such occasion, he saw on the Styx side that Megaera was getting ready to take Thanatos' place at their podium. She lightly placed a hand on the small of his back to signal her presence behind him, and Thanatos turned to whisper to her something the microphone did not pick up, and moved to take the seat she had vacated near the wing. Even from a distance the familiarity in their manner was unmissable, and the sight of it made warmth surge in Zagreus' chest.

In that moment, in spite of the difficulties that no doubt lay ahead, he felt like he could move forward. Achilles' sage advice from the previous day— _ try not to get so caught up in thinking you become afraid to act _ — resonated in his mind with the weight of truth. He had debated long enough. 

He looked down at the group chat again, the blurry pictures of his cousin and her friends preemptively celebrating his transfer. After sending a few replies they probably wouldn't see until they awoke from their hungover stupor, he swiped out of the conversation and opened a chat with Athena.

> > hey thena
> 
> > so uh the transfer papers
> 
> > i might need help with the motivation letter sometime when you're available
> 
> > how do i write a motivation letter to UNCLE ZEUS???
> 
> _ owlthena is typing... _

  
  


* * *

When finally the exhibition drew to a close, and with it Zagreus' obligatory inactivity, he sent a final message to his cousin and abandoned his seat among the audience to find Thanatos. 

At the foot of the stage, the victorious Styx team stood fielding informal congratulations by the few faculty members present and inquiries by a handful of students who appeared to be prospective members. Zagreus saw that Thanatos had been engaged in conversation by one of the latter, and was replying to questions in a cordial manner that nevertheless appeared laced with the desire to put a swift end to the interaction. 

Biting back a smile, Zagreus went to his side without a word, not wanting to interrupt but hoping to provide through his proximity some measure of emotional support. He waited out the conversation as patiently as he was able, vainly attempting to tune out the Elysium competitor Theseus' sonorous lamentations to his boyfriend Asterius, which carried with unfortunate clarity from the hallway just outside. 

Before too long, the aspirant debater speaking to Thanatos concluded her business and walked away, at which point he visibly relaxed, for the gods had not made him to mingle, and turned his attention to Zagreus. "Good to see you, Zag." 

"You too." Zagreus noted the hesitation in his eyes and smiled to reassure him. "Congratulations on winning. You were fantastic! Made all the best arguments and looked handsome all the while. Flawless debate."

The corner of Thanatos' mouth twitched. "The judges don't score debates based on handsomeness, Zag."

"They don't? That's too bad. Guess you would've won by a larger margin if they did." Thanatos fixed him with an odd look and Zagreus added, "What? I can make up debate rules. You don't know how hockey works either."

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" 

"I just like talking to you," Zagreus said, earnestly sincere. "But you look like you're tired of so much talking."

A miserable sigh confirmed that guess. "I've talked so much this morning. I'm exhausted, Zagreus."

"So let's get out of here. Meg can handle it if someone else wants to ask about joining the club or congratulate you or whatever it is." Thanatos opened his mouth, doubtless to protest the suggestion of shirking even such minor responsibilities; before he could, Zagreus pressed his argument. "She's club president. And there's only a handful of people still hanging around. I'm sure she won't mind." 

He grabbed Thanatos' hand, and Thanatos in turn looked at Megaera, who was speaking to one of the judges some ten feet away, and caught her eye. 

Fascinated, Zagreus watched one of their wordless conversations happen; within the span of a few significant looks, Thanatos got an air of resignation, and Megaera glanced at the expectant Zagreus and helpfully translated the gist of their conclusion by making a shooing motion with her hand. Zagreus grinned at her and led his boyfriend to the door and out of the building. 

The hour was nearing noon, and some of the outdoor benches around campus were now occupied, as students began to drag themselves out of their Saturday morning slothfulness to purchase lunch, or breakfast as the case may be. Thus Zagreus was reminded of the cookie still inside the pocket of his jacket, and he took it out with his free hand and presented it to his weary companion. 

"Doctor Patroclus baked cookies. I got you this when I went to see him earlier." 

Thanatos tucked his briefcase under his arm and reached for the cookie with a small smile. 

Once he was holding it, however, he seemed to realize he could not unfold the napkin with only one free hand. He gave Zagreus an apologetic look and let go of his hand to unwrap the gift, saying, "Hold on a moment," as if Zagreus would have considered going anywhere. Having successfully revealed the contents of the napkin, he immediately took Zagreus' hand again. Zagreus' stomach did a funny flip. "Oh, it's white chocolate and macadamia nuts. I like this one."

"I know. That's why I picked it for you. You don't have to eat it now, I can put it away again if you want."

"No, I'm going to eat it," he affirmed at once. "Thank you, Zag."

Zagreus stifled a laugh at the defensiveness in his response and how he immediately took a bite. "You're very welcome. Do you want to walk around a bit? Fresh air's probably good for you, right?" 

Thanatos hummed in agreement, and so Zagreus led them off the paved path to wander aimlessly around campus, content to spend time together without any particular hurry to be elsewhere. The day was warm, and a spring breeze carded light fingers through their hair as they walked past the dormitories and the gregarious students that milled in their vicinity. 

He lapsed into silence for his partner's sake, but knew that Megaera had been right about the necessity of talking to him. He would have broached the subject then, had Thanatos not beat him to it, like so: "Zagreus, about this morning... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have walked out like that."

His nervous remorse was evident in the way he spoke and in the slant of his eyes. The equally nervous Zagreus, having spent much of the morning similarly concerned about the circumstances of said abrupt departure, was flooded with relief. "Don't worry about it, Than. You're not upset?" he asked, though the answer was now clear to him.

"No, I'm not. I think I was, at the time, but once I was halfway to the auditorium, it all seemed so... pointless. I wanted to turn back and make sure I hadn't upset  _ you _ , but..."

"You would have been late if you had," Zagreus finished for him, and chuckled at his nod of confirmation. "You could have simply texted me, you know."

"I didn't think of that." A bemused frown creased his brow, as if he could not fathom how such a simple course of action may have eluded him, which the relentlessly extroverted Zagreus could not help but find endearing. "I don't text all that often, so it just didn't occur to me. It's only ever you and Megaera who write to me anyway."

"Hypnos writes you."

"Hypnos! My brother shouldn't be allowed to text. He insists on using commas to form ellipses, it's distressing." With an affronted sigh he punctuated this denouncement, and Zagreus laughed at the uniquely characteristic quality of his complaint. At the sound of it, Thanatos' disgruntled expression softened, and he squeezed Zagreus' hand before speaking again, haltingly at first. "In any case... let me apologize properly. I wasn't fair to you. I know you meant well. It's just, when I realized you were trying to set me at ease, all I could think was that I don't ever want you to feel like you need to do something you're uncomfortable with, just because you think it'll make me happier. But I'm sure you know that already. You'd tell me if I did something wrong, wouldn't you?"

The enamored Zagreus' first impulse was to deny that such a thing was possible, but of course that would have been untrue, no matter how keenly he may have felt it so. It was not inconceivable that they may accidentally hurt each other as their relationship continued to evolve. And as his initial unreasonable expectation receded, a more comforting notion took its place—the certainty that, while occasional conflict may be inevitable, and had indeed occurred throughout their lifelong friendship, it would never be insurmountable as long as they resolved to be open with each other.

"If you did make me uncomfortable—which you haven't—then yes, I'd talk it over with you. I hope you'll do the same." An answering nod, at that. Zagreus squeezed Thanatos' hand back, which immediately felt insufficient as a display of affection; to compound the sentiment, he settled for bringing it up to press a kiss against his knuckles. "I was a little nervous about being alone with Meg, but it went well, I think. Talking to her helped."

Thanatos smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. So then... are we good?"

"We're good." 

_ Better than good _ , he would have said, yet he simply grinned, seeing his thoughts reflected in the soft lines around Thanatos' sharp features—the fond crinkling around his eyes, the dimple that formed at the corner of his mouth when he smiled. Zagreus made no attempt to disguise his admiration. 

Only after a fashion did he recall the brief exchange at the end of the debate, and sheepishly said, "Should we walk in silence the rest of the way? I don't mean to keep you talking while you're tired."

"I'm the one who started it," Thanatos wryly pointed out, but he looked to be considering the offer. At length he said, "I wouldn't mind if you want to continue talking, as long as you don't expect me to participate much. I like hearing you talk."

Zagreus felt himself flush at this revelation. "You... you do?" The warmth in his cheeks intensified as Thanatos gave him a look that made him seem as though he were laughing without laughing; it was a familiar expression, but felt different than it ever had, playful and teasing. He swallowed nervously, his mouth having suddenly gone dry, then asked, "What would you like me to talk about?"

"Anything you like. Tell me something you're excited about. Tell me about Olympus." His voice softened, warm, and it was a wonder to Zagreus that his own cadence could be praised by someone who sounded like that. "You're accepting their offer, aren't you? You said 'if' yesterday."

Being so directly asked, he might have expected his determination to waver as it had before, but it did nothing of the sort. His heart was set, and he recognized the unwavering support threaded through the question.

"I'm going, yeah. I'll miss everyone here, but I have to do this. I'll regret it if I don't. And even if it's hard to be away from you, I believe in us. I'm done worrying. We'll make it work." 

He lifted his eyes from the dirt path under their feet and found Thanatos looking at him as if he were some unspeakable wonder of the world.

"You're right." His voice quivered, a ripple on the usually calm surface of the well of emotion inside him. So slight was this tremor that anybody else might have missed it, but Zagreus heard and held it close. "Zagreus. Talk to me as we walk, all right? Tell me anything you like. I want to hear you." 

"Anything for you, Than," Zagreus told him, and proceeded to honor his statement.

As words rose whimsically to the forefront of his mind, the chattery Zagreus allowed them to spill forth. He began with Olympus and its hockey program, a matter they had previously discussed, but this time rather than complaining about his father's opposition, he spoke about his cousin and their friends on the team, and his excitement to play and prove that he deserved a regular place alongside them on the ice. 

Then his thoughts turned to the long drive between the two schools, and with a full heart he described to Thanatos the beautiful sights along the road: the startlingly clear waters of the river delta just north of Styx University, the small farm nearby, and beyond that the verdant plains he must cross on his way to the distant mountains, all the while warmed by the sun that rose higher and higher above as he drove. 

Throughout it all, Thanatos continued to hold his hand, tenderly brushing his thumb over Zagreus', and contributed thoughtful hums and occasional comments or questions. Zagreus answered every one of them with unflagging enthusiasm, gesticulating with his free hand, and fantasized about showing it all to him one day soon. 

He glanced constantly at his partner's persistent smile and, at last, his absurd worries were definitively banished from his mind. The full extent of his love and his joy was packed into every word he spoke for Thanatos and he knew in his heart that Thanatos understood. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Eventually their ambling footsteps led them back to Thanatos' room. The tired debater released the hand cradled inside his in order to open the door, but did not ask for solitude in which to recover his social energy after the morning's activities and, selfishly, Zagreus chose not to extend the offer. If Thanatos wished for space, he would ask for it, as he had before on similar occasions. 

However this time he did not, and so the self-indulgent athlete slipped in after him and let the door fall shut under his weight. He watched his boyfriend place his briefcase on his desk, loosen the knot on his tie, then smother a smile as he regarded the bed with its covers adequately smoothed and tucked only as sharply as Zagreus' untrained skills had allowed.

"I tried my best," Zagreus told him, sheepish.

"It's fine, Zagreus. I didn't say anything."

"I don't know how you make it so neat. I even Googled how to do it. It didn't turn out quite the same, though, I'm not sure why."

Thanatos snorted. "Come here, Zag." 

Zagreus did, and Thanatos reached out to cup his face with both hands, gently holding him for a moment before leaning down to kiss him. Zagreus held onto his wrists, unable and unwilling to move away. His face felt hot, or maybe Thanatos' hands were cold, but either way it filled him with warmth to be cradled like that. He heard himself sigh when Thanatos broke away. 

"Thank you for tidying up. And for coming to see the debate."

"Of course," Zagreus replied, and immediately felt compelled to add, "The doctor cleared me, by the way. No concussion. So you don't need to stop kissing me if you don't want to. I'm allowed to elevate my heart rate as much as I wish."

That elicited a rare laugh. "Is that so? Good to know." He bent his head down again, but not quite all the way. The impatient Zagreus felt his next words as a whisper across his lips. "Seeing as I don't want to stop." The last syllable was understood more than heard, as Zagreus tugged on his shirt to close the distance. Thanatos' mouth tasted faintly like white chocolate.

What followed from that point would be difficult to narrate but may be easily understood. 

Feverishly clutched clothing provided leverage for proximity and, just as quickly, became an obstacle to be conquered and discarded about the room. Their hands sought skin and their mouths wandered, only occasionally pausing in their exploration to ask permission or convey it with increasing fervor. The bedsheets that Zagreus had so carefully endeavored to tuck that morning shortly became a tangled mess. 

The full details of what transpired between them are best left undocumented. At a certain juncture, even the most exacting storyteller must cut away and leave some things to the imagination. If you must picture what occurred, picture this: two people in love, proving through touch what may not always be adequately conveyed through words, wrapped up in each other, laughing joyfully.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Later, they lay facing each other, still clinging together and whispering words of affection. They smiled and let their fingers trace idle shapes across the other's skin, their legs entangled on the too-small bed.

"We should get up and shower," Thanatos said after a fashion. "Sometime soon." 

"Sometime soon," the besotted Zagreus agreed, because logically he knew that they must, but he wanted so desperately to stay in that moment, just him and Thanatos with nothing between them. His heart felt impossibly full. Seconds trickled by, and he asked, "What are you thinking about?" 

"A number of things." Articulating them seemed a difficult task, for his brow furrowed in the attempt to do so, and his amber eyes searched Zagreus' face. "Earlier, you said you're 'done worrying' about us. You were worried before?"

"Just scared, I think. That I'd mess things up somehow. But it's such an abstract fear, and it's so exhausting to cling to it, I just decided to stop. Fear is for the weak, as Achilles likes to say."

"You just decided to stop worrying," Thanatos repeated, slowly, as if those words in that combination were incomprehensible to him. "Just like that, you're not going to worry ever again? A bold proposition, Zag. You'll have to let me know how it feels." 

"Are you worried?"

"I worry easily," came his unsurprising admission, accompanied by a wry curl of his mouth. "But I'm... I'm happy, too. I'm happy to be with you like this."

"I'm really happy to be with you, too, you know. And I've got a feeling we're going to be fine, Than. So from now on, I'm just going to do what feels right and stop getting caught up in my own head." 

To hear him speak thus, one could not help but think that he had finally learned his lesson about the futility of attempting to rein in the wants of his greedy heart—albeit with substantial help and multiple false steps along the way. But a lesson learned is a lesson learned in any circumstance. 

Thanatos wrapped an arm around his shoulders and edged closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead and allowing him to burrow into the embrace. 

"I'm still taking the poster, if you get me a copy," Zagreus told him. Whatever fancies he might conjure whenever he saw it on his wall would be a poor substitute for the real thing, but he would be happy for any piece of Thanatos he could take with him to Olympus, to tide him over until such a time as he could be so lovingly tucked into his arms again. "Even if you don't. I'll break into the cafeteria at night and steal the one up on the wall. I don't care."

He felt his partner's chest rumble with laughter, and smiled into it. "I'll see what I can do to keep you from a life of crime," Thanatos said, and held him close.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! It's finished! And I still have ideas for this universe, including following up on the Megaera/Zagreus thread, because I love the canon polycule too much. If and when I get around to writing more, though, it will be as a separate fic. Might as well just give in and create a collection, because apparently +20K words wasn't enough. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read and special thanks to Kiku for talking through some of the difficulties of this chapter with me. You can find me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/stygiusfic) and tumblr [here](https://stygiusfic.tumblr.com/), screaming about Hades on both accounts. See you next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Please check out the fanart that inspired this ([1](https://twitter.com/coronachts/status/1314827877280444417) [2](https://twitter.com/coronachts/status/1315177744297193472) [3](https://twitter.com/coronachts/status/1315562441091084288)), and come talk to me about Hades on [twitter](https://twitter.com/stygiusfic), I made an account just for that purpose @stygiusfic.


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